Understanding Health

For those of you who have kept up with my and blog personally know some of my story, I have always dealt with the issue of self-image. Like many women, I have felt the difficult struggle of being completely dissatisfied with my body-image. This sin, this tangible feeling of shame and disgust, kept me from understanding beauty from the eyes of the Creator. Unhappiness with my body image didn't allow me to understand how I was created in the image of the Lord. With recent freedom from this struggle, I have become so open to my body (in a good way, not in the 'I want to run in the street naked' kind of way). I have become more comfortable wearing shorts or tank tops, actually wearing a bathing suit and not cringing at myself, and just feeling confident in how I look. This appreciation and acceptance has come with much prayer, solitude, and understanding of the Lord. It has come with knowing what beauty is, and how to not be manipulated by media and our society.

Nearly two months ago, my boyfriend and I became vegetarians. We decided that eliminating meat from our diets would encourage us to eat healthier options. Since starting this diet, it has not been about losing weight. The goal has been live a healthier lifestyle. With being vegetarians we also cut out fast food, a lot of fats and sugars, most processed foods, and try to eat mostly organic or healthy foods. Let's just say we consume a lot of fruits and veggies. Since becoming a vegetarian, combined with living an active lifestyle, my body has been loving every second of it; I just feel better, I have more energy, I don't get so tired quickly in the day, and bad/greasy foods have become less and less desirable for me. It has been one of the most beneficial things I have done for my body in so long. In terms of literal results, I have already gone down a dress size. Again, this entire thing is not to lose weight. Before this diet, I was almost close to being overweight on my BMI scale (just barely hitting the limit.) Knowing I've begun to lose fat reminds me that being healthy is incredible and much more important than looking good. Before this 180 degree turn in my views of my body, I thought it was all about being smaller, looking better. But now I have realized it is about honoring this body that was made in the image of the Lord by being healthy and not purposefully allowing yourself to do things that are harmful to your body. Yes there will always be work to do, but cutting out bad foods is a major step in the process and something we don't realize in a country saturated in unhealthy things everywhere we look.

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." – 1 Corinthians 6:1-20

This verse applies to many different areas, whether it be physically or spiritually, I have been commanded to honor God with my body, and lately physically honoring God with my health has been a great conviction in my life. In sharing this growth, I don't hope you convert to vegetarianism or stop drinking soda, I just pray you wisely consider what "honoring God with your body" means to you.

Dear You

Dear you,

The whisper of the winds, the delicate, yet ferocious, skies dancing over mountain-tops, the blooms of sage and pine, the grandness of those rocks and boulders falling to the beat of their own drum, it is all beautiful, just as you are; the skin that has been worn and wrinkled over your years, the cracked skin on your large and skinny feet from many miles walked on those soles, the wrist that still creaks and throbs when too much work has been done, the stomach that is never just flat enough, the fingernails that are always bitten and dirty from the world, the wrinkles around those pink lips left behind by faded smiles, the hundreds of freckles that cover arms, and legs, and knees, and cheeks from hours upon hours spent under the warmth of the sun, seeking and exploring the world. What can be more beautiful than those mountains, those hills overflowing with balsams and spruce, the tips that seem to never cease? What could possibly be more beautiful?

You.

I’ll tell you what is more wonderful than those mountains; your heart that has endured through trial, through grief, through joy, through pain, through disappointment, through change, and discipline, and obedience, and love, and peace, your spirit that has been cradled and protected by none other than your Creator, your mind which has been courageous, bold, and has sought to discover. Those are the things that are majestic. No mountain within the depths and heights of this world can compare to how beautifully and wonderfully you have been created. Your Father, He created you. He breathed life into you. He chose to love you. He guarded and protected you. He sought you. He desired you. He loves you.

Tell yourself how beautiful you are. Remind yourself that every flaw, every imperfection, every ounce of detail that you despise and attempt to cover under cloth, make-up, and hair, it is all perfectly, wonderfully, and beautifully made. From scars and wounds that are still pink, in such contrast with your white, pale skin, that are deep in contrast with your healing heart, collected from years of accidents, moments of pain, and memories of suffering, remember how beautiful you are. When you see yourself through another old and cracking bathroom mirror, through the reflection of blue water speckled with dirt, the subtle glance in a car window, tell yourself your worth.

Your worth is measureless. No words from fickle man and no scheme of destruction can lessen your worth. For you are not measured by the things of this world, the perfections and beauty of society, or even the limited view you see yourself. Your worth is measured by your Creator. He has defined your worth, and it is limitless, striking, and absolutely lovely. He has set the standard of beauty within your heart. For beauty is not dependent on the bones and skin that will only wither like the flowers after a cold, long winter. Your skin and bones will grow old, but you are beautiful.

Confessions / One

Those words... Those words that ring in my ears, in my eyes, in my head for hours on end. The words that recall the thoughts of disgust, of pain. "I dislike my body." I assume many girls struggle with this just as I do. We struggle with body image and a lack of self-confidence. At times I find myself staring at myself in the mirror, wondering how this could be anything close to beautiful? How could this be found as something delicate and precious? The real question is, how will I ever learn to love myself?

To some the words 'love myself' may sound selfish, juvenile, and ridiculous. It sounds egotistic, as if loving ourselves is a bad thing. But I desire to love myself. I desire to love my skin, my body, the parts that I hope no one dares to look at. I desire to love the image reflected back at me when I take a peek in the mirror before changing or taking a shower. I desire to wear shorts, tank tops, and bikinis without feeling the embarrassment of a stretch marks and flabby legs.

Although I've struggled with this, I'm learning to love my body; I'm learning to love it despite my flaws, insecurities, and areas my eyes dread to see. I'm learning that I go beyond my appearance. I go beyond my outer shell and my lack of love for my own skin. I've also learned how quiet us women are. We may put on our very best, in hopes we'll forget about the marks or areas of depression. We tell ourselves 'good compliments' only to be thinking of the next criticism of ourselves to emit from our mouths and into our hearts. We walk with our heads held high. Well, high enough to pretend we're ignoring the screaming thoughts of disgust in our head. Just high enough to pretend we can forget about what little we have of our self-confidence. Time after time of me begging on my knees to see myself in a different light, I begin to question, why do we limit ourselves? Why do we put beauty in terms of body? I've learned we must change the thoughts that tame our eyes. We must find security in how beautiful we really are; the freckles, the moles, scares, bones, or areas you see as ugly were all so delicately and preciously chosen for you. Every crevice, mark, protrusion, and indention was made so perfectly to be a part of you and me. We let empty words shape what we see as 'beauty.' "I must be skinny" are the words I hear, but I struggle to find the peace of loving myself. I fall into the traps of a destroying words telling me I must be flawless, in order to be beautiful. And I let those words get to me, just like they get to her, and you, and all of us.

I know those words have masked our minds. They have made an image of beauty that does not exist. Beauty is you, and me, and her, and all of us. Beauty is imperfection. Beauty is courage, compassion, love, honor, willpower, and brilliance. Beauty is not a size or a color. It does not come in the form of a body. There is an answer to loving ourselves. 

Quiet our thoughts and close our eyes.
I am beautiful.
She is beautiful.
You are beautiful.
We all are beautiful.