Understanding Health

For those of you who have kept up with my and blog personally know some of my story, I have always dealt with the issue of self-image. Like many women, I have felt the difficult struggle of being completely dissatisfied with my body-image. This sin, this tangible feeling of shame and disgust, kept me from understanding beauty from the eyes of the Creator. Unhappiness with my body image didn't allow me to understand how I was created in the image of the Lord. With recent freedom from this struggle, I have become so open to my body (in a good way, not in the 'I want to run in the street naked' kind of way). I have become more comfortable wearing shorts or tank tops, actually wearing a bathing suit and not cringing at myself, and just feeling confident in how I look. This appreciation and acceptance has come with much prayer, solitude, and understanding of the Lord. It has come with knowing what beauty is, and how to not be manipulated by media and our society.

Nearly two months ago, my boyfriend and I became vegetarians. We decided that eliminating meat from our diets would encourage us to eat healthier options. Since starting this diet, it has not been about losing weight. The goal has been live a healthier lifestyle. With being vegetarians we also cut out fast food, a lot of fats and sugars, most processed foods, and try to eat mostly organic or healthy foods. Let's just say we consume a lot of fruits and veggies. Since becoming a vegetarian, combined with living an active lifestyle, my body has been loving every second of it; I just feel better, I have more energy, I don't get so tired quickly in the day, and bad/greasy foods have become less and less desirable for me. It has been one of the most beneficial things I have done for my body in so long. In terms of literal results, I have already gone down a dress size. Again, this entire thing is not to lose weight. Before this diet, I was almost close to being overweight on my BMI scale (just barely hitting the limit.) Knowing I've begun to lose fat reminds me that being healthy is incredible and much more important than looking good. Before this 180 degree turn in my views of my body, I thought it was all about being smaller, looking better. But now I have realized it is about honoring this body that was made in the image of the Lord by being healthy and not purposefully allowing yourself to do things that are harmful to your body. Yes there will always be work to do, but cutting out bad foods is a major step in the process and something we don't realize in a country saturated in unhealthy things everywhere we look.

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." – 1 Corinthians 6:1-20

This verse applies to many different areas, whether it be physically or spiritually, I have been commanded to honor God with my body, and lately physically honoring God with my health has been a great conviction in my life. In sharing this growth, I don't hope you convert to vegetarianism or stop drinking soda, I just pray you wisely consider what "honoring God with your body" means to you.

Everyone Says, "You Need To Wear A Bikini."

Last night, on a whim, I decided to browse the "bathing suit" section while I was at Target. For the past four or five-ish years, I have dreaded this entire experience. I have dreaded seeing skinny girls showing off their tummies and seemingly unashamed of their outer beauty. I have dreaded trying on bikinis, hoping I could find one that wouldn't make me cringe when I looked in the mirror or, perhaps, when I am in a photo at the pool/beach. I have dreaded the stares at myself from the dressing room, ashamed of my body, of my scars, my imperfections, my not-so-skinny legs and stomach, my pale, freckled, and bruised skin. I dreaded the desire to 'fit in' to this culture. Even as a woman desiring Christ, I have encountered far too many brick walls that have stood to high for me to see my beauty that is complete in Christ, not in the clothes that I wear/or don't wear, not in my physical appearance, not in the world's definition of beauty.

Well last year, I decided to stop wearing bikinis and two pieces altogether, out of modesty and partly my own personal struggle with self-image. As I stood in the dressing room, holding about six different one pieces I felt scared. Isn't that funny? Alone with myself, I felt scared of what might stare back at me in the mirror? I didn't want that feeling of shame, and struggle, and pain to meet me in that room. I didn't want the face of a woman, who fears the Lord, to be looking back at me in disgust, in judgement. But surprisingly enough, I slipped into each one and I felt a sense of overwhelming peace. I didn't mind that my stomach wasn't so skinny, and that my stretch marks on the backs of my thighs were visible.

I felt beautiful.

Not in the sense that I looked "hot" in my bathing suit, or even that I looked good. But I felt beautiful in the sense that I recognized my beauty and my worth was not measured by fabric. I felt relief that the image of myself was not disgust, but rather loveliness. I looked at myself and saw a woman who is broken and flawed, but has been made in the absolute perfect image of Christ. I saw a woman who was learning to love herself and to view herself as her Creator intended for her to be.

I am beautiful.

The past year has been a transformation for me. I have asked God for a change of heart towards my own self for months now. I have despised the things I call myself, the things I think about myself, and the ways I become jealous when I see "good features" on other women. Slowly, he has changed me and transformed my way of thinking to be in light of his own. With the struggle of self-image and self-confidence, I have realized that only the love of your Maker can change your heart about your own body and image. Only he can transform your eyes to see the good, the beauty, the perfection he created, and not the eyes of this world that trick you into telling yourself that you are ugly, fat, imperfect, and unworthy. He deems us as his wonderful creation, each and every one of us. How incredible is that; your Maker thinks you are wonderful, beautiful, and perfect? 

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With this question of modesty in the air battling the idea of self-image, I walked out with a newly, purchased one piece last night. I realized the question about modesty is not how much clothing we have on, but the question is; "Will God be pleased with the way in which I am using this body he created? Am I imitating Christ in my choices, in my image, in my physical body? Am I using this body for good?" We desire modesty to please the Lord, not to cover up for the sole purpose of being ashamed or being scared of our bodies. We protect our bodies for they are the Lord's, and in him we are beautiful; not by how much skin we show, but how much our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our spirits, and our souls reflect the Lord.

The Eternal, Not the Temporary

Today someone was pouring out to me on their struggle of self-image. Knowing how many women have become victims to their own destructive words, I wanted to share how the Lord has strengthened me in this area of my life.

After dealing with the struggle of self-image for quite some time, God has slowly taught me how to view myself as if I were the Creator and not the creation. Rather than seeing a creation in dark comparison to the world, He has fashioned my view to be on the things of my soul, of my heart, and of my spirit that are eternal. When my flesh looks in the mirror, I automatically begin to point out the flaws, the fragile pieces, every scar and mark, and I speak fickle words to myself. Like many women, I see myself as a body full of the most ugly imperfections. Nothing but hurtful pangs of shame fill my head. "Geez, I hate ____. I'm so _____. I wish I could change _____." 

As the destructive criticism hardened my heart to appreciating this body and mind the Lord has given me, I begged the Lord to teach me to love myself. No, not to be infatuated and egotistic about my own fleshly characteristics. Not at all. Rather, teach me how to love myself as He loves me; to value my beauty in comparison to His light, for I was created in His perfect image. The Lord revealed to me to focus on things eternal; store up my treasures in things not of this world, but the next. My spirit, my patience, my love for the Lord and for others, my wisdom, my boldness, my courage, my dedication, my obedience: these are the things the Lord recognizes. He does not care for perfect hair, and flat stomachs, and white teeth. First and foremost, He cares about our hearts. He desires the eternal, not the temporary. 

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To all women, and even to the men who struggle with self-image: You are created in the image of the living God. Do not place your worth within things of this world, but find fulfillment and beauty within the things of your heart; the things which will be alive in the Kingdom. Our bodies will only wither, but your Spirit is what will remain.