Confessions / One

Friday, May 31

Those words... Those words that ring in my ears, in my eyes, in my head for hours on end. The words that recall the thoughts of disgust, of pain. "I dislike my body." I assume many girls struggle with this just as I do. We struggle with body image and a lack of self-confidence. At times I find myself staring at myself in the mirror, wondering how this could be anything close to beautiful? How could this be found as something delicate and precious? The real question is, how will I ever learn to love myself?

To some the words 'love myself' may sound selfish, juvenile, and ridiculous. It sounds egotistic, as if loving ourselves is a bad thing. But I desire to love myself. I desire to love my skin, my body, the parts that I hope no one dares to look at. I desire to love the image reflected back at me when I take a peek in the mirror before changing or taking a shower. I desire to wear shorts, tank tops, and bikinis without feeling the embarrassment of a stretch marks and flabby legs.

Although I've struggled with this, I'm learning to love my body; I'm learning to love it despite my flaws, insecurities, and areas my eyes dread to see. I'm learning that I go beyond my appearance. I go beyond my outer shell and my lack of love for my own skin. I've also learned how quiet us women are. We may put on our very best, in hopes we'll forget about the marks or areas of depression. We tell ourselves 'good compliments' only to be thinking of the next criticism of ourselves to emit from our mouths and into our hearts. We walk with our heads held high. Well, high enough to pretend we're ignoring the screaming thoughts of disgust in our head. Just high enough to pretend we can forget about what little we have of our self-confidence. Time after time of me begging on my knees to see myself in a different light, I begin to question, why do we limit ourselves? Why do we put beauty in terms of body? I've learned we must change the thoughts that tame our eyes. We must find security in how beautiful we really are; the freckles, the moles, scares, bones, or areas you see as ugly were all so delicately and preciously chosen for you. Every crevice, mark, protrusion, and indention was made so perfectly to be a part of you and me. We let empty words shape what we see as 'beauty.' "I must be skinny" are the words I hear, but I struggle to find the peace of loving myself. I fall into the traps of a destroying words telling me I must be flawless, in order to be beautiful. And I let those words get to me, just like they get to her, and you, and all of us.

I know those words have masked our minds. They have made an image of beauty that does not exist. Beauty is you, and me, and her, and all of us. Beauty is imperfection. Beauty is courage, compassion, love, honor, willpower, and brilliance. Beauty is not a size or a color. It does not come in the form of a body. There is an answer to loving ourselves. 

Quiet our thoughts and close our eyes.
I am beautiful.
She is beautiful.
You are beautiful.
We all are beautiful.


  1. beautiful. thank you for writing this. For me, I thought marriage would help with my insecurity. I was sad to find out that it is my issue and I must give it to god and trust that I am beautiful as i am, not if i changed this or that.
    inspiring post, thank you;)

    1. It's comforting to hear your story with this struggle. I think we all try to solve our struggles with something else than our Savior. But I'm happy He revealed that marriage wasn't the answer, only He is! I think you are beautiful! Thanks for sharing, Madison. :)

  2. Oh Taylor, this is so beautifully written. Thanks for your honesty and your inward beauty. You're beautiful! I pray God keeps revealing that to you :)

  3. Taylor, this is such a beautiful post. I've been thinking about this topic a lot as well. In the last few months I have tried a lot to change my thinking away from - I must lose weight, so I can feel beautiful to just feeling beautiful as I am. Because the said truth is: Even if you lose weight, you still want to lose some more. And it's a trap to judge ones beauty by the number of compliments one gets. And than I think: God has created just as we are right now, so we shouldn't be so unhappy all the time.
    And PS: You're very beautiful as well!


SIMPLE GROUNDS All rights reserved © Blog Milk - Powered by Blogger