Obligatory New Year's Post

Nearly two weeks of no blogging (no planning involved) I feel refreshed. Not only has this Christmas season flown by, it created a seemingly endless shuffle to get things done, meet with every friend, eat a countless number of Christmas dinners at this family's and this family's, and a never ending stream of answering the same question over and over, "So what do you do now? How's school? Still a barista?" Unfortunately, this Christmas felt rushed and spoiled. Although the love of Jesus never ran dry, my constant need to mark things of my to-do list seemed to be the 'highlight' of the past two months. Now that January has arrived, I finally feel somewhat ready to take on a new year. With bills and new things piling high on my lists of worries, I've begun to feel less scared and more at peace, like a peace that occurs after a long month of pain, incessant worrying, followed by an onset of acceptance.

In the past year I've realized a few things about myself:

• I've never tested my limits on patience, self-control, love, strength, and wisdom like I have in 2013.
• I've become a woman striving, not after perfection, rather striving for the wholesome, beautiful acceptance of my Creator. Rather than worrying about the worldly opinions of peers or parents, I've been okay with knowing the Lord is joyful in my faith. As I would like to think He is saying, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
• I've learned that love is not simply a feeling to aspire, but a commitment that is tested, tried, and daily pursued. Love is not accomplished or completed, but rather constantly growing, constantly testing.
• I've understood depths of myself that I have discovered are more and more apart from the perfection of Jesus. If I'm not already broken, I have seen lows of myself that were ugly in sight and completely born from flesh. In retrospect, I have seen the forgiveness and grace of God's goodness because of it.
• I have learned to love deeper than the level of flesh and outward actions. Truly loving someone's soul is more than an action, but a daily pursuit of passion and intimacy. 
• I have seen the beauty of a community of believers engulf me in love, care, and a fellowship so deep it can only be compared to that of Jesus'. Living life with believers is not only difficult, but more so rewarding. It brings a sense of joy that cannot be found in mere acquaintances, and it shows the true image of a God dying on a cross for my sins. 
• Most importantly, I have seen a new side of the Lord that was before hidden behind a veil. I've discovered the side of knowledge, wisdom, a faith based on truths and not feelings, and most importantly a faith that is worth seeking and not stagnant. 

All in all, I could care less about new year's resolutions or goals. I am just completely blessed to be living another day to grow, another day to love, and another day to discover the beauty of Jesus.