Monday, October 21

It's been quite some time since I've worked on my Confessions series; a series that I talk about things I personally find difficult or struggle with in my physical, spiritual, or mental walk. Today I'm starting up this series again with an awkward topic. Sex.

This post will mostly be directed towards anyone who has been or is in a relationship outside of marriage, knowing you guys will really be able to relate to this message. But also for those of you believers who are not in relationships, I hope this can be a form of encouragement for your future relationships and even now. Note: It's a long post, but it's a little too difficult talking about sex in under five paragraphs.

Purity: One of the toughest subjects for the teenage/young adult Christian, at least for me it is. Let's just go ahead and say it, sex is difficult. Over the past couple of weeks, my church has been diving into the topics of sex and marriage, as we study 1 Corinthians. Everyone will say they've heard 'the sex talk' by a pastor or another believer a million times, but I truly am thankful for the enrichment and encouragement it has been. Learning how God created sex in light of marriage is beautiful. As beautiful as it may be, it is stinking difficult. For those of you who don't know too much of my personal life, I have been in a relationship for a little over a year now, and purity has been one of the most challenging things we have faced. I feel as if most couples waiting to have sex for marriage, and couples that honor the design of sex that God created, deal with this issue. But I guess it just seems incredibly worse when you're the one experiencing it.

From day one, Tony and I set the limitations and boundaries of our physical relationship to be centered around Christ and his will for marriage and sex. Little did I know how difficult that would be. It's much easier said than done. I congratulate those of you who experienced this for years on end before marrying your spouse. It is one virtue that God is continuously strengthening for me, but is none-the-less difficult and most of all frustrating. Not just because of self-control and respecting the beauty of sex, but also the constant temptation and 'image' that culture places on relationships, sex, and marriage. This marred view of marriage that is put on display by American culture, even by Christians, can be antagonizing and scary, especially for those who want to live purely and who want to save our oneness for our spouse.

As a believer, knowing how, why, and what God designed sex for is critical, especially for those seeking marriage. I think it's somewhat humorous how I vowed to save my purity for my spouse at the age of thirteen without even knowing why God created sex for our spouse. I'd say Church Project, and my pastor Jason's incredible value and study of scripture, have been the biggest resources in teaching me about the beauty of sex and why God designed it. Although that doesn't make it any less difficult, it does clear up the many questions of why sex is meant for our spouse. Although the topic of sex is a whole post in itself, I thought I'd share some of the biggest encouragements and clarifications of sex from scripture that have influenced my thinking of sex and how it relates to my relationship with Tony. These scriptures have guided Tony and I in praying for and seeking patience and self-control within our physical relationship, and it has opened the doors to a new identity of sex and the true essence of why we were created as passionate beings.

"For Scripture says, The two will become one flesh. But anyone joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him." – 1 Corinthians 6:16-17 (HCSB)

The act of sex is joining two bodies into one flesh. The representation of our spirit joined with Lord clearly depicts the value, importance, and holiness of the joining of two bodies. When we become believers and our spirits are now one with Lord, as Christ is one with the church, a man and woman's body are spiritually, mentally, and emotionally one. Not only in the sense of spirituality, but physically too; if a man can be a man to have sex with a woman, he is now making a covenant with her to protect her physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, and lead her. We can sum that up as marriage. There is no covenant greater that a man or a woman can make with another being other than sex; that covenant is represented with the covenant of Christ, which is completely unbreakable.

"Don’t you know that your body is a sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body." – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (HCSB)

This is something we hear constantly, at least I know I do; we hear the importance of our bodies being a temple. But my pastor put it in a way that made me stop and really think about my physical body. Without quote, he said there is no other thing, object, or animal on this earth that God chose to enter and dwell within. The Lord chose humans being to give His spirit and let His presence be tangible. With that concept, why do we chose to go against his very word of sex, the most personal, intimate, and passionate part of our bodies, minds, and spirits? In my own relationship, I must not only guard my heart, but also guard my body. Since I have not joined the covenant with a spouse yet, my body is not mine, nor a man's. My body is God's. It is the body He chooses to dwell within. My body is a temple for the holy spirit to work through. Maybe some of you have heard it put into those terms, but for me it was an eye opener for physical purity. My body will remain the Lord's, until I give it to my spouse by joining together as one. Again, easy to put into words, but a heck of a lot harder to remember when you feel the natural desires coming forth.

"A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does." – 1 Corinthians 7:4

This scripture has given me a more defined image of what sex should look like in a marriage, therefore better encouraging me to have self-control to give this to my future spouse. Although it can be hard to understand when you're not married, reading this verse under the umbrella of marriage can be helpful. This is a verse that many have abused. People have taken this verse and used it as proof for demanding sex, but this verse goes far deeper than the role of sex. On topic, yes this verse is all about sex and husbands and wives fulfilling their marital duty. This scripture is a clear image of the act of giving one's self to their spouse through sex. It represents that same oneness we have with Christ; our body is not our own. In another light, this is portraying the amount of protection and trust we invest in our spouse. By having sex, we are trusting someone to protect our body, provide for our body in all areas, respect our body and so forth and vice versa. Sex opens the doors to giving your body and entrusting someone with it. When I see sex in this light, I realize that I am not ready for that. I am not in a covenant with Tony to trust him to take care of my body as if it were his own. None of us will be at that point, and if we are, (with God's will and righteousness) it's time for marriage. As much as I'd like to say, "Yes I trust Tony in every area," he has not made a covenant within marriage, vowing to take care of me as his own. Therefore, we are not ready for sex. God did not design sex to be used lightly outside of marriage.

"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.'" – Genesis 2:18

From the moment God created Adam, perfect in His image made one with Him, walking with him, Adam still craved and desired oneness. God created us to be in oneness with someone. Not a partial commitment of oneness to fill each other's sexual and emotional needs and then cut the chord when we're ready. No. The Lord designed us to desire a oneness so holy it can only be compared to God and the Spirit, Christ and the Church. He created this oneness to be the complete surrendering of your body, your heart, your mind, and your spirit to another fallible, broken human. To me that's a little scary and daunting. When I view sex in that light it makes sex all the more precious and sacred and something to guard. When we see sex and the design of a Creator, it is all of a sudden holy and righteous. It is not scandalous and dirty like the world makes it seem. Sex is something to be valued, until we make the covenant, that oneness, with our spouse. If God created and designed it, then He knows how we are to enjoy it best, how it will be the most beautiful.

All of that right there makes me scared and nervous about sex. It makes me feel like it's breakable and needs to be kept safe in a box. Guarding my purity is difficult, but in light of Christ it is possible and all the more rewarding. In light of my relationship, purity is attainable, but having self-control is the biggest challenge if Christ is not at the center. That is something I can say even through my own relationship; those times when we let Christ just 'slip away' from the center of our boundaries are the times when those temptations feel impossible to control.

I would love to hear from you guys. What are some ways you've viewed sex in light of Christ? Have you experienced this challenge? What do you find encouraging? It's always wonderful hearing from other believers about such an important topic.

For much better words than I myself have, listen to how my pastor puts these scriptures (1 Corinthians 6-7) into perspective with three sermons at Church Project. Podcast available here.


  1. This is great. I really appreciate your transparency. Thanks for sharing, Taylor!

  2. This was an amzing post! So encouraging to hear your side of things! I completely agree with everything you have said! I am 19 and been in a realtionship for a little over a year. Both my boyfriend and I are virgins however it has not been easy staying pure. To us purity is far more than just not having sex. There are so many ways dating couples fall into temptation. Us as a couple has stumbled as well. Yet, we are striving to stay pure and sex is just not even an option until we are married. The world looks at us as we are crazy since we are not having sex. Yet that is what we have chosen to do. It is s encouraging knowing we are not the only ones!


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